why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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