I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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