Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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