i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
