Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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