we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
