everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
