Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
