Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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