you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
