had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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