I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
