Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
