i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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