Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
