I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
