She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My cat gives me a boner
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
