the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
