he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
