arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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