I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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