so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
