Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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