The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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