he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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