I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
