I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
And then my night got REAL pukey
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
