There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Semen is not good for contacts.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
