I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
