it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
