just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
