i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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