you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
