after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i now understand why vodka
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
