Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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