So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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