I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
