I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
