Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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