my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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