i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
