this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
