HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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