I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
