I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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