Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
