You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
