Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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