i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
