i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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