i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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